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An artist and an animal lover. Life is beautiful!!

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Motivation

About 20 years ago, I found this beautiful floral skirt. It was my favorite piece of clothing at the time, mainly because it didn’t require ironing. It was made of silk and another material which I don’t remember anymore. It had its own attached underskirt and a zipper on the back. It was somewhat a body fitting, flowing style and ankle length skirt.

I used that skirt almost everyday and almost everywhere. I wore it to go to work. I wore it to go to school. I wore it to go out on dates and I wore it even on special occasions. Needless to say, I just absolutely love that skirt.

And when I started gaining weight, that was the first piece of clothing that felt so uncomfortable to wear and the first piece of clothing I grabbed, when I was at my heaviest and when I didn’t have anything to wear and when I was getting rid of a lot of clothing I knew I could not fix without damaging them and clothes that at the time, I didn’t think, I would ever wear again.

I remember grabbing the small size skirt and placing it on my very rounded stomach and looking at myself in the mirror. “I probably need 4 of those skirts to cover my body and that would still be very tight on me right now” I thought to myself.

I had this large box full of clothes and shoes, ready to be donated, and I didn’t even think twice, and I decided. I would not place my tiny skirt in there. That was my favorite skirt and I loved her so much. I folded the skirt very carefully and I placed it in a very secure place in my closset. I also promised “her”, I would wear her again one day and I was sure I would do it, except that I didn’t know when and how that would be accomplished, but I knew, without a doubt, I would wear my favorite skirt again.

I also left a lot of accessories, including sashes, belts, blazers, jackets and some very beautiful dresses outside the box, to give to my daughter when she would turn into a teenager and I kept those in the back of my closet.

In those 20 years I moved several times to and from different apartment properties. And throughout that time, my beautiful skirt has remain with me, waiting for that promise and waiting to be worn again. She has been there, hanging in my closet, one of the very first pieces of clothing I have seen every morning I have gotten up for the past 20 years.

I wanted to be motivated by that skirt, and I wanted her to remind me of what my ultimate goal was, and that is why I decided to keep it close to me.

Sometimes I had gotten that skirt out of the hanger and I have attempted to put it on. I have spoken to her, smiled at her and I have told her, “We are getting closer” One of the most recent conversations was 3 years ago and I said; “Just 1 inch away!!” And then my surgery happened before I could try her on…

Before I reached 124 lbs, about 5 years ago, I started to buy smaller size clothing, underwear, and shoes, that I would really love to wear one day, except that I bought several pieces in smaller sizes than what my size was at the time, to motivate me to lose the extra weight and one day, be able to wear them.

I went to a thrift store and I found this beautiful, handmade, petite, pink dress with small, white daisies on the hem and I fell in love with the little dress immediately. I came home and hanged the beautiful dress that was way too small for me to wear. (There was no stretch on the fabric and it seemed as if it was specifically made and fitted for a very specific person)

Last year my daughter started high school and early this year she turned 15. Since last year my daughter has developed a more sophisticated and elegant style of her own. Last year we started to go to different thrift store and second hand stores to buy her clothes and shoes.

She has been growing steadily since last year and even more in 2020. She is taller than me and all of those pretty dresses and many of the beautiful and stylish belts I wanted her to inherit from me, are too small for her to wear, so now my closet is full of “new goodies”

She also cleaned her closet and I inherited cool shoes and clothing she finds “too ugly” and “too boring” to continue wearing as a high school sophomore”

The last two weekends I spent it sewing by hand and by machine. All of my underwear, all of my clothes, including pants, dresses, skirts, sweaters and even some coats had to be mended, altered, re-sized and re-designed.

Every time I have gone through my closet to grab pieces that needed to be fixed and to hang them back into the hangers, once they had been altered, I could not ignore my two favorite pieces in there…

I suspected it but I had to see it with my own eyes and I had to try on my favorite tiny skirt and my beautiful pink dress, to confirm that I could wear them both, without having to suck in my stomach and when I did try them both, I just had to dance and dance around in circles and I had to hug them both in my arms after the fact and I just said; “We did it!!”

Right now I am so close to my original healthy weight loss goal, and I am also very close to my next life goal, and I have to remain motivated and I look for and I find motivation everyday, everywhere and in many ways and in many forms.

And if you care to know what motivates me in life then I can tell you that being alive is the greatest motivation of all. Knowing that I can make a difference, in the life of someone, for good, even if small, pushes me to do things, to set and complete goals and to know that one day I will accomplish them.

“I don’t ever want to lose track and forget all of the things I have been able to accomplish and all of the dreams that have become reality in my life and that is another of my motivations to continue to dream, to take action and to accomplish what is needed to have success, so please, help me God”

-Nedelka-